3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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