I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
