ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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