I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
