ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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