4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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