If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
time to smoke my breakfast
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
