Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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