I'm going to rape someone's good day.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
