and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
