wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
