I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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