I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
