oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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