The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
