I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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