thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
