so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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