I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
