Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
