where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
