so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
