Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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