we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
