We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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