She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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