She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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