there was a trapeze. enough said
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
