roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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