Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Shame - the story of my life.
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