I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
