sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
