Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
