It's like God shit irony all over that family
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
