just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I die, sorry about rent.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
