It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
