If i come over, it means nothing
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
