This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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