Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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