I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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