"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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