haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
