I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
