does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
