im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
