i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
