Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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