I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
