woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
