I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So vagazzling was a success
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
