I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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