Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
