I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize