Having a random hookup so left but love u
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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