Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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