PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize