Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
