So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
