You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
