I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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