So drunk its hurt
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
