Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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