dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
