What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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