I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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