Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
