Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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