There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
