I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
