You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
