No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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